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Please don’t ‘dear’ me.

N. F. Kenure


While at the gym this morning, I asked two ladies if they had contacts for anyone who makes traditional outfits for men. One of the ladies sent me two numbers, I call the first one immediately. He's an older gentleman who works out at our gym. He’s spoken to me once before and we say good morning to each other every other day. Anyway, the phone rings but he doesn't pick up and so, I call the next number. A man with a ‘young voice’ answers.

Me: Hello, is this ###

Him: Yes it is, hello DEAR.

I roll my eyes privately. I'm not a big fan of the ‘dears’, ‘loves’ and ‘hons’. But  it's alright, different strokes for different folks.

Me:  ‘So so and so’ gave me your number, I need to make some traditional outfits for my husband.

We discuss, materials, measurement, time and logistics and at the end of the conversation,

Me: Thank you very much.

Him: Take care of yourself dear.

The second dear was too much for me.

As I hung up, I knew I would not be making any clothes with him.

My phone rings and it’s the older gentleman.

I introduce myself, he remembers me from the gym. Again, we talk measurements and the requirements to get the job done. The conversation ends. When I say ‘thank you very much,’ he replies with ‘you are welcome madam.’

Please, this is not about the ‘elevation’ to a ‘madam’, but what ever happened to being semi-formal to strangers and acquaintances? ‘Dear’ is just not an acceptable title for a stranger.


Is this a generational thing? People don't know the right way to address strangers anymore , especially business strangers, potential clients? Am I being too sensitive?

My friend thinks I am, she found my displeasure hilarious. She says ‘hi love’ and ‘goodbye dear’ a lot. I am a grinch, but  those terms of endearment are fine- with friends and loved ones. So what do you think? Another friend says she doesn’t care, as long as she’s not called a bad word or it’s not with bad intentions. No big deal or deal breaker? Am I just hungry and bad tempered after working out?


This is me totally ignoring the sexist implications of this charade that I would otherwise lunge at like a ravenous lion.


Good morning Dears.



Jan 28, 2019