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Let’s talk about Pain.

N. F. Kenure

Today, I am a thousand broken pieces. Everywhere hurts and again, I must wonder why I do this. My legs, my hamstrings, my glutes, all cry out every time I move and yet move I must. 

The pain is an old friend, it brings me news that I’ve been waiting for: I have put in the work and the results will be in soon. I pretty much just have to do it again, then do it again because if I stop now, all of this suffering would be for nothing. 

I pulled another muscle, in my stomach this time. This is a new one. In the middle of dying on the floor in a public gym, trying not to scream in pain, as a trainer massaged the tough protruding muscle, I manage to be silly enough to be proud of myself. I have muscles in my stomach.

Monday is always leg day,  so I began the week strong. There was no rain from God to save me, so I worked the treadmill for forty minutes and then spent the next hour working different leg muscles.

When I woke up Tuesday and tried to swing my legs off the bed, my limbs assured me I was a joker. To punish it, I ran another forty minutes, even harder because it was one of those days when your playlists randomly plays the best workout hits. Then I worked on my back and shoulders.

Wednesday morning, I felt awful. I had spent the night tossing and got out of the bed really mad so I had a cup of coffee even though I am not allowed to have coffee. I do not allow myself coffee because it is too much of a stimulant but I’m already counting sheep all night, so why not? Why am I in so much pain? I stretch during and after exercising. I always end with 15 minutes yoga stretches and a rubdown from a trainer. My knees creak loudly with every step. I spend the rest of my day waddling and  whimpering to myself as I navigate my day.

It hits me when I wake up Thursday morning.  I am doing too much at once. Isn't the plan to glide into working out slowly? After a two month break, I should have taken my time to get back to old form. Three times a week and just the cardio should have been sufficient for my first week back. I am doing too much, I will skip the gym today.

It’s 12 AM and and I finally get to bed. I place my tortured body and lie there stiff and still. I have no idea when I’ll finally fall asleep but more importantly I can’t help wondering when the pain killers will kick in. 

I need more rest.


Sep 1, 2018